Temper Tantrums
Temper Tantrums in toddlers (the terrible twos) are a consequence of the frustration that the child feels at changing circumstances as they move on from infancy - the parent, previously the provider of love, attention and support, now appears, bewilderingly and most unfairly, to be in opposition, either requiring the child to do something they don’t want to, or refusing to give them something they want. Infants, toddlers, children and adolescents need boundaries in order to help them feel secure: as they grow the boundaries need to be extended gradually - and they will test them increasingly. One thing that’s confusing for all of us is a game where the rules keep changing - or the boundaries move back and forth. So with temper tantrums (as with adolescent anger) it’s important to stick to your rules - which should be reasonable and appropriate to the stage of childhood development - and continue to demonstrate love and support. Praise compliance and provide security, while refusing to be manipulated. It’s important to be sure there isn’t an underlying physical cause: is the child frustrated because he can’t understand what’s required because he can’t hear?
Don’t have a tantrum yourself; the two of you having tantrums is a recipe for disaster. Be prepared to walk away until the tantrum burns itself out.
If tantrums are recurrent and frequent, keeping a diary to identify precipitating events might be helpful, particularly if it indicates that there might be sensitivity to certain dyes in foodstuffs. It’s useful for us all to remember that constant criticism destroys confidence and self-esteem, the consequence of which is anxiety, uncertainty and lack of achievement throughout school years: problems that can multiply and persist into adolescence and beyond.
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